I recently went through a few events in my life that were fairly difficult. I knew that I should turn to God and trust in Him and He would answer my prayer. I personally wanted a miracle to occur and for my spouse to be healed without having to go to the hospital. I knew the money that we would have to spend on the many hospital bills would set our other hopes aside for awhile longer. We had just finished paying for the last 2 hospital bills (lung collapse and removal of bone cement that was placed when a tumor took the bone) and this next round of hospital bills was not a welcome site, nor very "fair" in my mind. I was praying so hard that God would just heal him so that he would not have to go to the hospital again and knew that God had the power to do so. We said a prayer together and called our home teachers over so that they would exercise the Melchizedek priesthood which they hold to give him a blessing. I prayed several times before they got to our home that God would heal him through His priesthood power which these men would exercise. After the blessing they left and my husband decided that he didn't feel too terrible, but not completely healed, so we would wait until the next day. Upon barely getting my eyes open the next morning, I asked him if he felt better. He said no, and we packed up our things and dropped the baby off at a friend's house to go to the hospital. After the xray we were told that his lungs had collapsed again, but not as bad this time. Instead of a chest tube, they put him on oxygen and told him he would have to be monitored and then take another xray the following day to see if improvement has been made. The following day it was only 25% better. I was worried that they were going to keep him for 2 days, not find enough improvement and then put a chest tube in him which would keep him for several more days. I felt frustrated at not knowing what was going to happen and torn between being with him and taking care of the baby. I continued to pray earnestly that God would heal him and that my husband would be able to return back home soon. I did not want to burden my sister or friend much longer to take care of our baby but at the same time I did not like the idea of leaving him all alone in the hospital for so long. I decided that if this was a test of my faith and commitment to God and obeying His will instead of mine, I would show God through my actions that I believed that He was still mindful of us and our individual situation and that there was some reason which I did not quite understand yet for these many setbacks.
I knew that just because I read my scriptures, said my prayers, went to church and paid my tithing that I would be free from trials. This was a heavy one to me, but I was anxious to show God, not just tell Him, that I was willing to submit to His will and do all that I was asked or endured and do so cheerfully. It changed everything once I decided that trials will not change or disappear, but how I react to them can make or break me. It is not the trial that is the determiner of how strong or faithful I am, it is how I react to the trial. I read in 1 Nephi 11:17 "I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless I do not know the meaning of all things". Isn't that what faith is all about? Believing in something that I cannot see, or quite understand? I know God is there and that He heard every one of my pleas to Him to heal my husband and give me strength. He felt just as horrible as I did and just as much pain as my husband felt. He grieves when we grieve and He rejoices when we rejoice. Just after my husband came home from the hospital after a 4 day stay, I asked God for some help with something very small, but meaningful to me, and He answered it beyond my expectation. I still don't know the reason for the trail, but I do not that my relationship with my Heavenly Father was strengthened and my faith in Him grew. I feel like Nephi-not knowing the meaning of all things, but do know that God loves all His children. Knowing this has made all the difference. I know that this was not the end of my trials, but I do have faith that God is very mindful of each and every one of us, our individual situations and feels our pains as well as our joys. He is our Father in Heaven and like a perfect Father, knows what is best for us in the eternal viewpoint. Prayer is the way I am able to speak with such a kind and attentive Father in Heaven, and scriptures is one of the ways that He speaks to us. I know that Christ too suffered something very great and more than I can comprehend, and asked His Father in Heaven to also take it away from Him, but that He would willingly submit to God's will. To follow Christ is not always the most easy way to travel, but it is very worth it. He is the creator of the world and has many children on the earth to attend to. I take great comfort in knowing that although He commands even the elements on the earth, He also takes the time to listen to my quiet pleas and finds no greater joy than helping His children come and learn more of Him.
